Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Umbrellaman Presses Mrs. Sloofus (Not Literally)

Mastermind investigative reporter U.M. Brellaman manages to score the scoop of the century. The luxurious socialite herself, Mrs. Sloofus, has thus far refused to be interviewed for any publication whatsoever. A few well-placed sushi rolls and a knockoff Coach purse, however, was all it took to start her gabbing like a schoolgirl on acid. Making an extremeley rare presentation in the Funnybook Dungeon, she was all ears to Umbrellaman's interrogation. Listen in on this candid conversation.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Episode XXXVII - Two Handsome Gents

The Cappy versus MC Trekkie debate is finally here. Which one of these two gents will win over the hearts of adoring fans from across the land? Each participant is given adequate (yet limited) time to discuss the topics which REALLY matter to the legions of CBH fans. Listen in, and then cast your vote on who stays....and who goes! Be sure to check the forum thread 'The Cappy Chair' after listening.

CBHNN has acquired the broadcast, and it is available here.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Still Super - No Longer a Fan?

ATLANTIC CITY, Internet - In a shocking development, Comic Book Hater co-host Schooly G viciously attacked #1 Super-Fan Rick with several unsavory comments earlier this weekend. The Comic Book Haters' forum, hosted on Rick's own bandwith (and consequently paid for with his own funds) has been removed, replaced with a press release from Super-Fan, Inc.

"I was furious; Furious!" remarked Sloofus in an interview late Sunday. "I don't blame Rick for being pissed off, but I wish he would reconsider his stance. I really enjoyed the forum, and just having Rick 'hanging around' the CBH virtual offices. He seemed like a good guy."

Asked if there were plans to rebuild the forum, or possibly try to 'mend the wound,' Sloofus replied "Well, I doubt we'll make a new forum. It would seem kind of morose. I sent Rick an email, so hopefully he'll change his mind and come back to the fold. If he doesn't, well, I'd like to thank him [for all of the] stuff he did in the past."

Though it is the policy of this newspaper to remain neutral, the Editorial Board would like to go on record as stating Schooly G is an asshole.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Episode XXXVI - Their Thighs Were Watching Cappy

Because WE DEMANDED IT! For the FIRST TIME EVER! MC Trekkie and Ultimate Cappy meet one another, in the flesh! We're calling this one "When Titans Tussle," even though that title has already been used! What is it that brings these two men together? Are they friends or foes? Will they get along, or will one perish? What is their secret past? And just how, exactly, do they feel about Kyle Baker's PLASTIC MAN? It ain't pretty, fans....it ain't pretty. Also reviewed, a really shitty Planet of the Apes comic. Click here to vicariously be part of the fun.

M.C. Trekkie - Friend or Foe?

ATLANTIC CITY - The internet is abuzz at the recent addition of "M.C. Trekkie" to the Comic Book Haters' relatively stable forum of characters. His debut on this week's episode has divided fans of the show in half. Nay-sayers were quick to shout "MC Trekkie = 'New Coke'" and "Come Back Cappy; All is forgiven!" while fans of the new member showed their support with "MC Trekkie sounded like a good addition."

And where does Cappy stand in this debate? Rumors are starting to circulate that the globe-traveling oaf may not be long for the Comic Book Haters' world. "Look, MC Trekkie brought over a twelve pack of Corona for his first podcast. Cappy's been here a million times, and he never brought shit," revealed series co-creator DJ Sloofus. "I guess we'll just let the fans decide." Outspoken co-host Schooly G added, "Ehhh. Fuck them both."

Listeners are encouraged to show voice their opinions either on the comic book haters' blog site, or on their very own forum.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Episode XXXV - Ultimate Comic Book Haters: The Podcast

For many fans, the Ultimate Avengers movie is manna from heaven. For those with discerning tastes and sophisticated expectations, however, it was greeted with yawns and jeers. Regardless, the Comic Book Haters have taken it upon themselves, as their civic duty, to watch the entirety of the film (though Sloofus did step outside for a few scenes). Also, throwing caution to the wind, the CBH crew also takes a look at Image's "Bomb Queen" title. Will they 'shit where they sleep,' and are the boys capable of giving an honest review to a title produced by one of their listeners? Only the fans will know for sure.

Friday, February 17, 2006

CBH Comic Shop Spotlight #1 - Lambiek

AMSTERDAM, HOLLAND: A recemt (though far from 'current') thread on the Comic Book Haters' forum deals with the topic of funnybook shops, and their various merits and shortcomings. No listeners were contacted for verification, but it seems that all involved agreed it was a "Worthwhile way to kill a little time at work," or at least series Co-Host DJ Sloofus believes it to be so. "Plus, there are a lot of shitty comic book shops out there," he continued. "But it seems like everyone had their own opinion on what makes a good shop, and a fucking shitty-ass one."

One stellar example is Amsterdam's Lambiek. The heritage of the comic, both book and strip, stands proudly along the shelves. A wide selection of European comics are available, of course, and all releases from the major (and minor) independent publishers are given priority. Few super-hero comics (other than those considered 'canon') are available. Also, for some reason, a plethora of pornographic comics are stocked.

Though the shop refused to accept our long distance, reversed-charge, after hours phone calls, their general opinion can easily be fabricated for dramatic purposes. "Heyy, yu vanted to make a vunnybook purchases? Fuck vor Pressident," they would must likely sneer out, whilst twisting their finely-greased moustache.

Pictured in the photograph are DJ Sloofus and fellow Lambiek enthusiast "Nasty" Naz.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Episode XXXIV - Our Ears Have Eyes in the Back of Their Heads

It's alive! ALIVE!! ALIIIIVE!!! But does it actually make any sense? The original Frankenstein Monster could barely string together two coherent sentences, making it the ideal creature to be ressurrected by Grant Morrison. The English scribe out-does himself on this title, as he presents a re-animated tale dug from the graveyards of yesteryear. Speaking of the damned, the Haters also take a look at Jack T. Chick tracts found atop a nearby public urinal. Abandon hope, all ye who click this link.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Northeast Catches "Cappy Fever"

Eagle-eyed CBH listener Jason Crane spotted this attractive looking facade while walking home from the free clinic one night. Though "Cappy Hours" are a common sight in the Atlantic City area, relatively few foreign territories have partaken in the craze. The Montana Mills Bread Company, located ironically in Rochester, New York, displayed this nefarious greeting on Monday afternoon. "Yeah, they told me they were going to do something like that," said CBH regular Cappy. "I was pleased, but technically speaking, I'm not really involved."

CBH News has learned that "Cappy Hour" was a complete failure, and the Montana Coffee Company quickly shut its doors to outside business. A representative from the company refused to return calls.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Episode XXXIII - Starting This Episode - More of the Same!

Years ago, before you kids with your televisions and your i-pods and your sex on the intra-net, we used to sit around and read the funny papers. Why, I can remember when Daisy Mae and Lil' Abner first tied the knot. It seems like just yesterday that Junior first met the Moon Maid, and now they, too, are married. And who can forget the collective tear we shed when that bitch from the Gumps died? Kids these days, I tells ya. No respect for anything.

Take a journey back to the past by visiting this link.

And sign up for the goddamn forum, you ungrateful little sunzabiches.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Umbrellaman Presses Cappy!

Lovable oaf Cappy takes some time off from his whirlwind tour of the world to visit with Father Umbrellaman. This, our third, is a special "Comic Book Haters" re-presentation of the episode which caused both the Catholic Church and the Muslim faith to hold hands and chant "Not Just Yet, Lord; Not Just Yet" at a recent 'love-in.' This was originally distributed through the limited-run 'How to Get Away with Sinning: The Umbrellaman Way!" podcast. The Comic Book Haters are proud to help this important recording reach a wider audience. Pride yourself up at this here location.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Haters Unite in the Name of Love

Haters, it is time to call upon our members to unite in a showing of pure strength. Tomorrow the first issue of "Bomb Queen" will be available at your local funnybook shop. Unless your local funnybook shop sucks, that is. Like ours does.

Regardless, creator Jimmie Robinson is a listener and card-carrying member of the CBH Army. Show your support by purchasing a copy. It's only a few bucks. Check out his site for more information. We may not be able to "Make or break a title based on our review" like certain other internet comic afficianados, but we can give it a shot.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Episode XXXII - Crisis on More Than Infinite Earths

It had to happen, because YOU DEMANDED IT. The Haters are called together to battle a mysterious force, unaware of who gathered them and why they were summoned. Heroes will live, heroes will die (well, technically Cappy isn't a hero, but he's probably the one that will die) and the Funnybook Dungeon will never be the same. Earth Beer collides with Earth Applejack in one of the most thrilling episodes of the year!

Unlock the mystery by following this link.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Comic Book Haters Join Elite Group of Internet Hermits

Finally cowing to popular demand, the world famous Comic Book Haters have joined the elite internet news-site, Myspace. Though the producers were initially hesitant to join the ever-burgeoning internet community, co-host DJ Sloofus cites peer pressure and a lucrative signing bonus as prime incentives. "I can't really talk about the details," he said, "but let's just say that Myspace made it worth our while to join up with them."
The internet is abound with rumor-mongers, speculating just how much cash was involved, but as of press time no definite figures have been announced. Interested parties are urged to check http://www.myspace.com/thecomicbookhaters for an 'inside look.'

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Episode XXXI - Super Fun Hatred Excitement Hour!

この書に収むるとこ[Schooly G]ろは自分が今日までに書いた感想および論文のほとんど全部である。この書の出版は自分にとって二つの意味を持っている。一は自分の青春の記念碑としてであり、二は後れて来たる青春の心たちへの贈り物としてである。自分は今自分の青年期を終わらんとしつつある。しこうして今[Comic Book Haters] や青春の「若さ」を葬って、年齢にかかわりなき「永遠の若さ」をもって生きゆかんことを今後の自分の志向となしている。自分は自分の青春と別れを告げんと欲するに臨んで、じつに無量の感慨に浸らず[F Cappy] にはいられない[Warren "Shitbag" Ellis]。自分は自分の青春に対してかぎりなき愛惜を感じる。そして労う心地をさえ抑えることができない。自分の青春はじつに真面目で純熱でかつ勇敢であった。そして苦悩と試練とにみちていた。そして自分は顧みてそれらの苦悩と試練との中から正しく生きゆく道を切り開いて、人間の霊魂のまさに赴くべき方向 Daimyo ay ichiyama musake.

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