Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Episode XIX - Front and Center: Cappy's Back!

For the first time ever: All four of the core 'Haters' meet up together. Join DJ Sloofus, Schooly G, the Umbrellaman and Cappy. The Haters get all deep and shit as they observe two sides of the same coin: Batman and Moon Knight. Frank Miller's All-Star Batman and Robin (no mention of the abysmal Jim Lee will be granted) is put onto the chopping block. Let's just say that this title gives one a renewed interest in DK2, for better or for worse. Also, a classic issue of Moon Knight is taken into consideration. Get a copy of it right here.

Mysteries-a-plenty at Hatercentral

The Comic Book Haters have two mystery fans. Known only as "Master Hater" and "Carnyfolk," these two ubermysterious entities seem bent on world domination. Or at least getting a picture of the elusive Cappy.

Unnamed sources have cast suspicion on Cappy himself. Cappy was not available for comment.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Here She Is!

#1 Super-Fan Rick supplied us with this picture of a Zombie Prostitute, as requested on our most recent episode. Way to go, and keep 'em coming!

Monday, December 26, 2005


Many have written in, commenting on the identity of the man (or, more probably, woman) known simply as 'Master Hater.' Though his identity remains a secret, many speculations have begun to arise. Prevailing amongst these are supplications that 'Master Hater' is of sub-marinal origin, or possibly from outer space. Also, he may be from our future...or our past. Someone even suggested he was simply a fabrication of the Comic Book Haters' devising. The world may never know, but we will continue to document his actions. Oh yeah, another possibility is that he's from the sub-consciousness of one of the haters. It'll be just like 'Fight Club,' only much cooler. That bitch was pretty hot, though.

Episode XVIII - When Haters Clash

In the midst of this joyous holiday season, the Haters review a title of limitless bounty and spirit: Marvel Zombies #1. What better avenue for entertainment lay before you? Truthfully, the answer is a resounding 'None.' Pour a cup of merry olde cheer as you worship at the altar of the Lord BRODOK. It's time for the latest shenanighans in the lives of our humble heroes. Acquire the episode by following this link, or allowing your RSS feeder to do the dirty work for you.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Episode XVII – A Forebodement of Dooms Passed

Strange signs are beginning to appear around the Comic Book Haters offices. Goats with two heads, cryptic messages spelled out in shit, Sloofus renouncing comic shops and Schooly G actually liking a funnybook all have raised quite a few eyebrows. We managed to capture one such incident on tape, and the scholars are already debating its overall significance. One thing is for sure...the events depicted within will trigger off a series of crises, each more infinite than the last. Obtain a record of this evening by accepting a digital transaction located at this site.

Schism forming?

Unidentified sources note that a rift seems to be forming amidst the ComicBookHaters. Sources point toward outside influences as a probable cause. Umbrellaman is wanted for questioning.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Make New Friends and Insult People!

Get in on the action - Comic Book Hater style! We're looking for some new 'talent.' To get your very own segment on the CBH podcast, simply submit a recording of yourself hating on any comic out there. Submissions should be between 30 seconds and three hours in length, and recorded in MP3 format. Please email your rant to, and some day soon you, too, can be a marginal star in the comic-book podcast gutter. Get cracking, pardner!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Episode XVI - Strap On Yer Bethlehelmets

UPDATE: Now it works. Way to go, Sloofus.

The Holiday Season is here! We'd like to extend an extra-special non-denominational (Christmas) message of love, hope, and hour after hour of pure hatred. In the spirit of the season, we're giving all of our fans a worthless gift. Sent out under the guise of true sentiment, it's actually a clever ruse destined to fool even the most loyal of our supporters. Regardless, here's the latest episode of the Comic Book Haters. Long Live the true sayer of wisdom, Alan Moore.

CORRECTED ON 12-21-05.
Courtesy of Schooly G.
The link was pointing to the wrong file earlier. Sorry for any confusion.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

This Week's Lowlights...

The Comic Book Haters, after taking the weekend off, will be returning to the studio this week for some fresh episodes. Titles scheduled to go 'under the axe' include Marvel Zombies, Ultimates, Nat Turner, Samurai Executioner, and several other surprises. By 'surprises,' of course, we mean 'shit we haven't decided on yet.' If you'd like to see your favorite (or least favorite) title reviewed, please email All serious queries will be considered. Silly queries will be automatically endorsed.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Episode XV - Has Anyone Here Seen My Cappy?

The focus is on Schooly G in this very special episode of the Comic Book Haters podcast. Though an avid anti-comic book enthusiast, a soft spot remains in his heart for the sequential exploits of men in uniform. The original G.I. Joe series from Marvel has been universally panned by school children across the land, yet Schooly maintains they are worthy of our attention. In this riveting discussion, the merits and pratfalls of the series are discussed.

Also, everyone's favorite guest-star Cappy returns for a look back at some great moments in comic book history. Crank up the speakers and shoo away the young'uns, because it's time for another episode of the Comic Book Haters.

An Audience of Our Peers

Submitted for your approval, actual keywords which (when typed into Google) resulted in our humble web-page. It's nice to know that, amongst the zillion denizens of the 'Ethernet,' we've found a niche.

naked comic book characters


8 page porn comic books

comic book meth pictures


Loyal fans, please note that this is no fabrication brought upon by excessive amounts of booze.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Ellis Reaches New Low

Much debate has been running rampant throughout the office of the Comic Book Hater's Podcast Studios. The normally quiet (some have said morose) hallways are abuzz with furor, all over the recent announcement that super-slack writer Warren Ellis will be revamping Marvel's original "New Universe," which was initially shat upon the comic-buying public in the mid 1980s. It seems, although none of the parties involved in the argument are supportive of the comic, no one can agree on exactly how much the forthcoming title will suck. Dubbed the "Newuniversal," it seems that care has already been abandoned, leaving hope lonesome, cold and afraid.

An Open Letter to Joanna Draper Carlson

I recently posted this on this chick's blog. In case you don't know who she is, she's one of these fancy-pants 'Internet Comic Reviewers' that seems to think her shit doesn't stink. This whole shitball started when the CBH's #1 Super-Fan Rick wrote a blog entry complaining about comic reviewers who review stuff that really wouldn't appeal to them in the first place. Carlson responded with a vicious attack, and went so far as to delete every attempt Rick made to justify his position on her blog. I'm sure she'll delete my post soon enough, so here it is, preserved for posterity.

To see what's left of this discussion, navigate on over to her blog. Feel free to throw in your two cents, but if it's not Pro-Joanna, don't expect it to stick around too long.

Joanna:You've got a lot of nerve. You make a living (or spend a great deal of your spare time) publicly criticizing comics, yet you cry foul as soon as someone dares criticize your reviews. You strike me as a coward, especially since you've deleted every comment which Rick posted on your site. Why isn't he allowed to voice his opinion?

I'm sure you'll delete this post as well, proving that your claims of an open forum are pretty much hollow promises.For your information, The Comic Book Haters is a comedy show, even though it's rarely funny. You have your fans who enjoy your writing, and that's fine, but learn to take the good with the bad. You claim to be looking for 'Honest Communication,' but it seems like you only allow those who support your limited view to voice their opinions.

-DJ Sloofus

Monday, December 12, 2005

Episode XIV - Close to the Average Nerd

On a cold winter's night, two gentlemen sat down to discuss comics. Snifter of finest Applejack in hand, each began to espouse on a number of diversions. Eventually, both would leave in a state of disgust. This is a chronicle of that evening.

Special thanks to Yahoo's 'Spam Blocker,' which ensures us the hollow welcome of an empty 'In-box' each day. Help us avoid this dubious fate by emailing, won't you?

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Episode XIII - 'Tisn't the Season

Holy shit, the Haters may have gone too far this time. In keeping with the holiday spirit, the boys (joined by Umbrellaman) decide to review a religious-themed funnybook. For the sake of our immortal souls, we desperately hope Mike Allred does not listen to this podcast. Also featured is a review of Seth's high-brow, fancy-pants funnybook, Palookaville. Listen at your own peril. You know the deal; slide on over here to download it.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Rise Up and Be Heard by Virtually No One!

The Comic Book Haters, long renowned for their street-corner tirades, are now entering the digital domain with an internet presence. Check out their new forum, where you can register and join in on the nonsense. Consider this a place to voice your disgust for Warren Ellis, Joanna Draper Carlson, and anyone else who pisses you off. It's also the easiest way to get in touch with DJ Sloofus or Schooly G, except for the email links on the side of this page.

While you're at it, don't forget to join the CBH Frappr page, allowing nerds from across the land to locate your home town. This can inevitably lead to uncomfortable situations, especially for those inclined towards the 'Stalking' phenomenon which has been all the rage these past few years. Don't miss out!

Finally, all 'artistes' and children of the pen are invited to submit their interpretations of our patron saint, B.R.O.D.O.K. We're trying to amass as many personal visions of the character as possible before embarking on the mass-media push (currently unscheduled). Keep flooding the CBH offices with your work, fellow believers.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Episode XII - Into the Buttocks of the Beast

The Comic Book Haters have outdone themselves this time. Yet another glance at a Brian Michael Bendis comic... is anyone else writing funnybooks these days? Or should we say, "Is anyone else re-hashing old Frank Miller characters and pumping a minute amount of life into them these days?" The answer is a resounding "No," unless you count Frank Miller himself, and we don't. Regardless, click here to listen in on some fascinating critiques regarding the latest issue of Bendis and Maleev's Daredevil comics.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Ultimate Traitor Revealed!

No, it wasn't Cappy (as we suspected), but the newest issue of Ultimates shipped today and finally revealed the traitor within the ranks. Readers with half a brain cell saw the 'shocking revelation' coming from day one, but for those who haven't been keeping up with the comic, let's just say that the internet was nearly cracked in half. First it was child molestation, and now this? What won't Brian Peppers stoop to in his parade of hatred? Photo by Umbrellaman.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Episode XI - And a Green-Skinned Goliath Shall Lead Them

Warren Ellis isn't all that sucks in the funnybook realm. Have you taken a look at HULK recently? For your sake, we sincerely hope that this isn't the case, and not just because the comic stinks. Who the Hell buys HULK comics? Come on now; it's about a half-naked, green bodybuilder. That's just too weird. Regardless, the Comic Book Haters purchased the most recent issues, and (no big surprise here) they didn't enjoy them. When will the laughter return? Oh, when?? Pick it up right here, or wait for iTunes to start feeding it sometime next month.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

A CBH Special Report

Those erstwhile rapscallions, the Comic Book Haters, have extended a forearm of peace in the general vicinity of known layabout, Cappy. In an act of extreme benevolence, the Haters have taken it upon themselves to unleash unto the internet their innermost feelings regarding Cappy's self-produced Fan Page. The story is continued at this link, or stay tuned to this space for further developments.

Episode X - Everything Old is Shitty Again

The hatred returns after a few days off. The latest issue of New Avengers revealed the identity of Ronin, a character that intrigued nerds from across the land. Spoiler warnings are not necessary, since Bendis pretty much spoiled this story from the get go. The storyline was contrived, pandering, and designed to stir up nothing other than internet controversy. Which means it has much in common with the Comic Book Haters. If you dare listen to this review, click on over to this link and download it. Otherwise, go fuck yourself.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Upcoming Episode Guide

This week, the Comic Book Haters have a full schedule of hatred and vileness planned for all of their listeners. Episodes dealing with New Avengers, Daredevil, Ultimate Fantastic Four, Palookaville, The Golden Plates, Hulk, and more are planned. If you haven't read the latest issues of these titles, get out there and pick them up. You don't want to be left in the dark, do you?
Also, a visit from the Umbrellaman, a special report, and some other unorthodox forms of entertainment will be featured. Get ready for a rip-roarin' week of fun-filled festivities!

Ultimate Brodok: Marvel's Next Big Thing?

B.R.O.D.O.K., the Black Radical Organism Designed Only for Kickin' It, has become somewhat stale over the years. Thankfully, artist-extraordinare Greg Golembiski II has 'ultimized' this perennial character with a new look for today's audiences. Check out the illustration, or sail on over to to see more of his exquisite artwork. BRODOK Power, Everyone!

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