Monday, May 28, 2007

The Cartoon Haters: Episode 1

It's Memorial Day, and the Comic Book Haters crew is remembering everyone who has gone before them. In honor of all those who died in Civil War, the Infinite Crisis, the Korvac Saga, Secret Wars I, Secret Wars II, Secret War, No Man's Land, the Infinity War, War of the Gods, Crisis on Infinite Earths, the Secret Sacred Wars, 52, the Kree-Skrull War, the Clone Wars, the Atlantis Attacks war, the Evolutionary War, House of M, the Contest of Champions, the Extinction Agenda, Total Eclipse, the Great Disaster, the Great Darkness Saga, and anyone who ever tried to read the Filth, we bring you our own travesty: the Cartoon Haters. Join DJ Sloofus, Schooly G, and Umbrellaman, as they cheer a public domain version of Superman on against a pan-continental threat which is fast overtaking our American way of life. Fire up your video iPods and give it a go, Freedom Lovers!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Episode XCVIII - Don't Ask... Just Download It!

Are you sure you want to download this podcast? I mean, really, really sure? Let's face it... it's hardly 'entertaining,' even in the loosest sense of the word. There are dozens, if not hundreds, of other comic book podcasts out there; why not give one of them a try? After all, most of them give listeners some insightful commentary about Spider-man's newest costume, the after-effects of Civil War, or even the inevitable return of Barry "The Flash" Allen. All this one really does is swear a lot and drink adult beverages. Is this the kind of podcast you want to be associated with? Alright, go ahead and download it. It's your funeral.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Coming This Summer: The Schooly Awards


The Comic Book Haters, hosts of the internationally ignored and soft spoken Comic Book Haters podcast, are making internet history for the first time ever. Beginning late May 2007, the online comic book community is invited to partake in the "Schooly Awards," the first annual-centennial celebration of the worst comics of the year. "Everyone always talks about the 'best'," said co-creator DJ Sloofus as part of a fictionalized third person narrative, "but no one ever really mentions the shit. There was a lot of shit this year." Outspoken crankpot (and the eponymous 'comic book hater' of the show's title) Schooly G revealed that the awards were created "to give hate-filled readers a chance to say 'fuck you!' to comic creators everywhere." His viewpoints were not neccesarily shared by the rest of his associates.
The first annual-centennial Schooly Awards are scheduled for the summer, 2007 convention season. As the only comic book awards named after a living person, a certain degree of decorum was needed. Specifically designed to be taken more seriously than the Eisners, the "Schoolys" (as they are known in some indie circles) offer no pretensions that their recipients are worthy of any recognition whatesoever, but do feel the need to publicly denounce them amongst an audience of jackanapes and bouffants. "I'd like to encourage everyone to get out there and vote," Sloofus said, as a tear welled up in his eye. The tear was later discovered to be disingenuine.

This year's categories include:

  • Worst Single Issue
  • Worst New Series
  • Worst Continuing Series
  • Worst Original Graphic Novel or Trade Paperback
  • Worst Writer
  • Worst Artist (Penciller or inker)
  • Worst Zombie Comic
  • Worst Hero
  • Worst Villain
  • Schooly G's Favorite Comic of the Year (Only Schooly may vote for this one)
  • The Comic Book Hater's Shit-Stained Hall of Shame 2007

Those reading these words have been specially selected to partake in the actual electoral process, simply by copying and pasting their votes to All entries received before June 31st, 2007 will be counted towards the winners. Multiple votes are encouraged. One vote per househould, please. No Irish.

"I love the Comic Book Haters!"
" favorite podcast."
"It’s comic-book culture for people smart enough to know better."
The full transcript of the Schooly G interview can be found here.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Acnkowledge the Comic Book Haters, Earn Valueless Plug

In a daring attempt to spread their gospelish diatribes towards a larger audience, the Comic Book Haters are continually seeking outside representatives to further their cause. Today, just such an occurence was parlayed through the courtesy of one Dirk Deppey, co-ordinator of the world famous (Upside down exclamation mark) Journalista!, published by the former afficianadoes of pornography and anthropomorphism, Fantagraphics. The blurb celebrated the CBH crew's recent coverage of Free Comic Book Day 2007, as well as Superfan Rick's coverage of the 2007 Pittsburgh Comic-con. The effects of a slow-news day were also felt by the Comics Reporter, who also found it neccesary to report on such an uneventful breakthrough. Recognition of this level has left many speculating as to whether the podcast will favor such trendy, topical subject matter in future episodes, in an attempt to 'cash in' on such illustrious coverage.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Episode XCVII- Free Comic Day? More Like Free Shit Paper Day.

Good evening. May I present to you a podcast, finely crafted and lovingly produced and hosted by the Internet's two most irritating personalities? I may? Well, then, please enjoy this podcast of the Comic Book Haters, free of charge- though it will cost you about 30 of your precious Earth-minutes. Listen in rapt awe as Schooly and Sloofus discuss the modern era of Supes and Free Comic Book Day 2007.

Don't miss the Pittsburgh ComicCon field report filed by our own SF Rick, owner and proprietor of Bent Corner, teh Interwebs most controversial comic-related blog.

Click here to listen to this superfluous episode! You won't be disappointed! If you are, we are not to be held responsible as we were pretty loaded when we made this episode.

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Wednesday, May 02, 2007

CBH: The Musical

Insatiable listners to the Comic Book Haters' podcast are instructed to double their pleasure this week, with relatively little strain on the wallet. On Thursday, May 3rd, CBH cohorts DJ Sloofus and Schooly G will guest-DJ an episode of the Sounds of the World Wide Weed, currently airing on the network. Those insterested in delving into the Haters' musical library may feel a tad unsatisfied, but anyone with an hour to kill should venture to the Dopefiend's very own website, where the offending article may be obtained. Please address all litigation to Mr. Bec Nornert.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Episode XCVI - Who Can Stop the Umbrellanaught?

Ye Gods! Is it Tuesday already? In some parts of the world, it's already Wednesday, and in one remote corner it's actually a week ago from last Thursday. Regardless, we can all join together in welcoming the latest addition to the Comic Book Haters' podcast family, Episode 96! During this "funformational episode," the Haters take a look, once again, at this week's comic book news. Also debuting this week: Schooly's Picks, a new segment. Left untethered within the bowels of the Funnybook Dungeon, what title will Schooly G emerge with, ready to review? Only those who click on the provided link will find out.

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