Saturday, May 19, 2007

Coming This Summer: The Schooly Awards


The Comic Book Haters, hosts of the internationally ignored and soft spoken Comic Book Haters podcast, are making internet history for the first time ever. Beginning late May 2007, the online comic book community is invited to partake in the "Schooly Awards," the first annual-centennial celebration of the worst comics of the year. "Everyone always talks about the 'best'," said co-creator DJ Sloofus as part of a fictionalized third person narrative, "but no one ever really mentions the shit. There was a lot of shit this year." Outspoken crankpot (and the eponymous 'comic book hater' of the show's title) Schooly G revealed that the awards were created "to give hate-filled readers a chance to say 'fuck you!' to comic creators everywhere." His viewpoints were not neccesarily shared by the rest of his associates.
The first annual-centennial Schooly Awards are scheduled for the summer, 2007 convention season. As the only comic book awards named after a living person, a certain degree of decorum was needed. Specifically designed to be taken more seriously than the Eisners, the "Schoolys" (as they are known in some indie circles) offer no pretensions that their recipients are worthy of any recognition whatesoever, but do feel the need to publicly denounce them amongst an audience of jackanapes and bouffants. "I'd like to encourage everyone to get out there and vote," Sloofus said, as a tear welled up in his eye. The tear was later discovered to be disingenuine.

This year's categories include:

  • Worst Single Issue
  • Worst New Series
  • Worst Continuing Series
  • Worst Original Graphic Novel or Trade Paperback
  • Worst Writer
  • Worst Artist (Penciller or inker)
  • Worst Zombie Comic
  • Worst Hero
  • Worst Villain
  • Schooly G's Favorite Comic of the Year (Only Schooly may vote for this one)
  • The Comic Book Hater's Shit-Stained Hall of Shame 2007

Those reading these words have been specially selected to partake in the actual electoral process, simply by copying and pasting their votes to All entries received before June 31st, 2007 will be counted towards the winners. Multiple votes are encouraged. One vote per househould, please. No Irish.

"I love the Comic Book Haters!"
" favorite podcast."
"It’s comic-book culture for people smart enough to know better."
The full transcript of the Schooly G interview can be found here.


Blogger The Comic Book Haters said...

Mad props to Jack Vorpal for all the help. Sorry about the title change, but the other one was just too long.

5/19/2007 11:52:00 PM  
Blogger Ryan said...

Thanks for the "mad props". I've wanted some of those for a while.

I don't care about the name change, but it's too bad my ethnicity prohibits me from voting.

- AKA Jack Vorpal

5/20/2007 09:19:00 AM  
Blogger Rick said...

I think it's safe to say that Jack Vorpal would be the last person to be against a name change.

My word verification was: "dcbeejsu"

5/20/2007 01:09:00 PM  
Blogger Rick said...

Guys, I was looking at the Schooly award statue and I don't mean to sound weird or anything, but if you look at the top of the statue, it kind of looks like male genitalia.

Plainly put, it looks like a very small penis.

I was kinda hoping for a Comic Book Robot or maybe something like that. Not a penis.

5/20/2007 06:38:00 PM  
Blogger Schooly said...

Yeah, well, we gave Umbrellaman the job of creating the Schooly. Go figure. I'm suprised there aren't named Asian men adorning the sides.

5/20/2007 10:48:00 PM  
Blogger Schooly said...

Ahem, that should say "naked" and not "named" above.

5/21/2007 03:08:00 PM  
Blogger Schooly said...

Rick: You are not the only person to complain about the award. We have received numerous complaints (3 so far)about the giant metallic penis on top of the Schooly Award.

Never let it be said that the CBH crew does not fairly listen to fans' concerns. Please enjoy our new Schooly award, now Penis-free (tm).

5/21/2007 03:24:00 PM  
Blogger Ryan O'Hara said...

I suggested a piece of poo, but a black box covering a golden dildo works.

5/21/2007 03:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Umbrellaman said...

Look all I know is that Schooly said "Whoever receives a School Award really sucks dick and can shove it up their ass!" I guess I shouldn't have taken him so literally. That said, I'm really surprised that listeners of this show would be shocked by that trophy design...are you people sure you have you been listening to The Comic Book Haters???

Your friendly neighborhood Umbrellaman

5/21/2007 04:39:00 PM  
Anonymous DJ Sloofus said...

Huh. I don't agree with censorship, but I must admit I'm much more attracted to a black box than a golden rod.

5/21/2007 05:03:00 PM  
Blogger Rick said...

I listen to The Comic Book Haters and that’s why I DON’T understand the significance of a chrome man-cock. I think of many things when I think of The Comic Book Haters. An erect penis is not one of them. When people check out the podcast for the first time by checking out the website, I would hate for them to get the wrong impression about the show. That's it's a show about man-cock.

When I see a statue decorated with a little man bowling, I tend to think that it is a bowling trophy. When I see a statue with an erect chrome man-cock on it, I don't think that it has anything to do with comic books. At least not the comic books I read.

5/22/2007 08:50:00 AM  
Blogger Schooly said...

It's true. The award is rather strange looking.

No wonder Cappy kept asking me if we were awarding him a Schooly Award this year.

5/22/2007 03:53:00 PM  
Anonymous DJ Sloofus said...

Even more disturbing is the fact that Cappy wanted to "borrow" a Schooly Award last weekend.

5/22/2007 08:42:00 PM  

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