Monday, April 24, 2006

Episode XLVIII - Two Trick Ponies with One Track Minds and No Trace of Tact

All of mankind was made to reconsider their every action, and we strongly suggest you reconsider downloading this episode. The aphorisms do fly, the profanities are proliferous, and I believe they snuck a few curse words into the mixture. All of this adds up to some nasty stew, so please recognize the fact that your bandwidth is best used elsewhere. Perhaps one of the nice educational intra-websites which are available on other servers. Porn can also be used as a nice distraction from the rudimentary seddlement of everyday life; in fact, the possibilities are nearly endless. Those who choose to ignore our warnings and proceed onward are directed to save this link.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Turning Hatred into Caringhood

In a daring effort co-sponsored with the "Global Harmony Unification Collective" contingency, the Comic Book Haters have recently announced their launching of a new joint coalition. Titled "The Comic Book Haters Reach Out with their Hearts and Fingers," this new segment will feature profiles and interviews with comic fans from across the world. First on the list is the United States of America, a patriotic move designed to drum up initial support for the program.
According to series co-creator DJ Sloofus, "The ultimate goal is to have a segment devoted to every country on the Earth, so we can talk to comic fans in every country." A few seconds later, he added, "Except for some of the 'shitty' countries. We'll probably just ignore those ones."
Long time fans of the popular comic-book based 'hating' podcast might be questioning why an avowed curmudgeon like Schooly G would be involved in this program. "What else am I going to do?" he replied to inquiries. The new segment is scheduled to begin during the summer 2006 series. Contestants interested in being interviewed are requested to send a cover letter, resume, or brief series of emoticons to: Please mark your emails "Lower Your Mortgage," and indicate your country of origin.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Episode XLVII - "An Occurence at the Funnybook Dungeon"

The interweb is a glamorous, classy locale, and the Comic Book Haters are proud to be a part of it. Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, please consider the following episode, titled "An Occurence at the Funnybook Dungeon," to be our submission in the seventh annual "Taco Bell: Internet Recognition Awards." We are both pleased and relieved to be a part of this grand tradition, and hope that our humble offering leaves you feeling warm and contended, just as a Taco/Burrito "Combo Supremo" does. We feel, at this juncture, it would be prudent to dedicate this performance not only to the dreamers of today, but also to the wishers of tomorrow. Also, to the mongoloid child down the street who was recently stricken with rickets. My friends, I give you the Comic Book Haters.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Episode XLVI - Empathy for the Devil

Interested in starting your own Comic Book Haters-themed podcast, but lack the originality or drive neccessary to do so? Now, it's as easy as 123! With the new "Comic Book Haters" Franchise kit, you'll be up and running as soon as you can say "Hell's Yeah." Simply send a check or money order for any amount to the CBH Head Offices, and you'll be well on your way to copping their vibe. Each kit comes complete with ridiculous pseudonyms, a secret broadcasting location, obscure comics to review, and a tentative relationship with the Super-Fan of your choice. This bargain won't last forever, so act now before it's too late. Join the dozens of other podcast hosts who are happily benefiting from the creativity and hard work of the Comic Book Haters. Don't miss out! Click here to obtain an application, or simply to listen in to the latest episode.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Episode XLV - 01000110 01110101

They said it couldn't be done. They laughed at us; called us fools and madmen. But we'll show them...we'll show them all. Finally, the Comic Book Haters have done the unthinkable: they have created LIFE! Join the CBH crew as they welcome their newest co-host, the Comic Book Robot. Also, a "surprise review" torn from the cartons of funnybooks which adorn the walls of the Funnybook Dungeon. Click here to listen, before the combined might of the religious right, the NAACP, and anyone with a conscious takes this podcast down for good.

The CBH Empire Grows...

As if Schooly G being featured in an upcoming issue of Bomb Queen wasn't enough to set the comic world on fire, yet another member of the CBH community has found fame. Based on a concept by forum regular DJ Whip Cream (which he presented to Umbrellaman in his recent "Inside the Comic Book Haters' Studio" interview), "Batman versus Jesus" has been optioned and created by yet another forum regular, Jack Vorpal. Click here to check out the first installment of this gripping tale.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Inside the Comic Book Haters' Studio: DJ Whip Cream

The Umbrellaman has done it again, and we can all reap the rewards of his hard work. Daring to dig ever-so deeper, the gentleman of parasols brings us an intricate interview with one of the biggest players to hit the CBH forum in the past few months: DJ Whip Cream. Regular listeners to the Comic Book Haters' podcast may recognize Cream from his various 'Listener Submissions,' but strap on your Bethlehelmet for a full-length foray into this funnybook fan's farsighted fantasies. The UM traveled over forty miles for this recording, so please do him the dignity he so rightly deserves. Listen in, oh ye of little bandwidth, to the interview that rocked a nation.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Episode XLIV - The Fools who Follow the Fools

Ever standing on the threshold of funnybook breakthroughs, the Comic Book Haters are always happy to bring new and exciting talents to the eyes of their hungry listeners. Once again, the Haters enlighten their 2,601 listeners with yet another comic book 'discovery,' namely the bodaciously endowed exploits of "Zombie Hunter Azoria." Thrill to their review of this triple-breasted-beast, or simply listen in for an exciting recipe for egg salad (found near the end of the episode). Join Schooly G, DJ Sloofus, and Umbrellaman for an evening of fun, zombies, and other delights.

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