Monday, January 30, 2006

Episode XXX - The Search for Episode XXIX

Somewhere in the vast etheral realms of the internet lies the twenty-ninth episode of the Comic Book Haters' podcast. Abducted by an ill-meaning, nefarious menace from another dimension, the episode may be in grave danger. Though the CBH staff have bravely marched on with a new episode, the memory of our fallen comrade will not soon be forgotten. May God be with you, and our thoughts and prayers surround you daily, dear XXIX.

If you have any leads concerning the whereabouts of this missing podcat, please click this link.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Episode XXVIII – Full of Sound and Nick Fury, Signifying Nothing

Fair is foul, and foul is fair in this special episode of the Comic Book Haters. None may look into the seeds of time and see which grains will grow, but the safe bet is on Schooly G's unrepentful wrath upsetting more than a few listeners. Childrens' eyes may fear painted devils, ever crying for safety, but a dab of water properly placed will clear you of these sins.

Go shake your gory locks elsewhere, because it's time for another episode of the Comic Book Haters.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Episode XXVII – From the Ashes of Hope… A Sign of Hate

Amongst their podcasting peers (of which there are none), the Comic Book Haters are often revered as true pioneers. Their forefingers are firmly planted on the cutting edge of technology, industry, and funnybooks alike. For this very special episode, the Haters take a look back at the dark ages of the 1980s, when Men wore neo-glow animal striped pants and large women adorned themselves in mumu-like Betty Boop T-Shirts. This special 'retro-episode,' recorded back in November and held secret for two months, may now be released upon an unsuspecting public. Take a magical trip back in time, be it a few months or several decades, by saving this link.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Umbrellaman Presses DJ Sloofus!

Once again, the Comic Book Haters (in conjunction with Umbrellaman Ministries) bring you another episode of "Inside the Comic Book Haters' Studio." Host Umbrellaman turns the microphone towards DJ Sloofus, in a candid interview about the man behind the 'cast. Check this link to listen in, but please remain quiet. Recording is now in progress.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Haters Dazzle World with New Forum

INTERNET- Atlantic City The Comic Book Haters have once again struck gold, this time with a dazzling new forum for their fans. "It was time," said DJ Sloofus. "Our fans have done so much for us; we decided to give something back to them." The forum, created by resident #1 Super-Fan Rick, can be found at this location. All fans, new and old, are advised to register immediately.

Unlike other so-called 'free speech' forums, the CBH one is designed to give fans a place to speak their minds, without fear of repercussions or censorship. "I don't think it's right to delete, censor, or edit anyone's posts," remarked Sloofus. "On our forum, we're going to allow everyone to say whatever they want to say, just so long as there's no curse words or Ellis praise."

Stay tuned for further developments.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Outraged Posters Unimpressed with Schooly Rants

INTERNET, Atlantic City - Once again, the radical pod-cast host Schooly G has disrupted the peace of a normally tranquil comic book podcast forum. Responding to a thread centered around the re-distribution for mutual appreciation of funnybooks, Schooly's comments were once again removed. An action which has, at least in some corners, been branded as 'censorship.'
GrendelFan101, posting on an internet dating site, felt that "Schooly does some wild shit, but this time he's gone too far. He's a dick for doing that; what the fuck does that prove?" Others were quick to jump in on what has since been dubbed "Schooly's Day," a pending unofficial holiday. "What does he prove by doing that? He just wanted to stir some shit up for no fucking reason at all," said SammT, a poster on the now-defunct 'ScionGamers' forum. Almost overwhelmingly, the response tended to range from slightly irritated to downright appalled.

Amidst the majority of negative cries, a few tender voices did speak up. The loudest and most boisterous of these seemed to bellow from Schooly G himself. "That's total bullshit," remarked the irate podcast host. Other supporters included the WMIA Union of Atlantic City, and Guintie's original Szykka on 14th St.

Despite the fact that, for all intents and purposes, Schooly's comments seemed to be received with warm welcome, moderators felt the clips were not appropriate for their more 'serious' audience. The Schooly post was greeted with "ComicBookHaters are back! Hellyeah!" and, in response to Schooly's querie regarding the non-laborized Emoticon industry, "I think it's supposed to look pissed off. or it could be copping a squat."

The offending clip is available, so interested individuals may make up their own minds rather than be forced to accept the opinions of others. Women are not advised to read, as it can become quite vulgar, though real Men will undoubtedly appreciate the true ripe of the gas.

Schooly G
4 Posts
Posted: January 20 2006 at 17:58 IP Logged

yeah, here's a real tight-knit community for you. bhughes, i'm just curious. how long have you know you were [expletive deleted]? or are you still [censored]? no offense meant, i just want gauge where you're coming from.does this smiley mean i'm kidding or serious? i can't seem to follow this shit... it looks like it's taking it up the butt. look familiar, bhughes?__________________Deal with it, b*tches.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

'Inside Studio' - Out of Bounds?

INTERNET, Atlantic City: While the final verdict is still up in the air, decisions are split regarding the recent 'Inside the Comic Book Haters' Studio' clip. The focus was on Schooly G, co-host of the popular 'Comic Book Haters' podcast. The clip, culled from a much longer episode, aired earlier today on the Comic Book Haters' web site. Comments as varied as "It's great to get a glimpse of the real Schooly G." (from popular blogger TrollQuester) to "Who the fuck cares what Schooly has to say?" (as written by Ashlan Bruttheimer of the New York Post) have been pouring in all day.

"I thought it was insightful, and really shows you how little Schooly cares about this whole thing. But please don't quote me on that," said DJ Sloofus in an afternoon interview. Another episode, featuring Sloofus, was also recorded and may see broadcast within the next week. Lawyers are fearing an impending legal battle, which could delay distribution. Umbrellaman refused to respond, answering only with "I'm not here right now; leave a message" repeatedly.

Umbrellaman Presses Comic Book Haters!

The Comic Book Haters' own Schooly G was recently featured on an episode of the popular 'Inside the CBH Studio' podcast. Hosted by CBH affiliate Umbrellaman, the program offers an in-depth interview with everyone's favorite comic hater. Future episodes are scheduled, and will begin airing later next week. With Umbrellaman's permission, we've linked to an MP3 file of Schooly's portion of the show. Thanks for the kind permission, and as always we're flattered when the mainstream media takes notice of our program. Wander over here to obtain the interview.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Episode XXVI - Why is Anybody Listening?

The Haters take a moment or two to catch up on some recent happenings in internet-land. Brushes with Ducktor Doom, a failed forum, and the implied femininity of drinking wine are all discussed. The backup feature this time is a look at Geoff Johns' "Flash: Ignition," for no apparent reason. Take a little look-see over here if you're so inclined.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Episode XXV - To Hate No More?

Is this episode real, or simply one tale torn from a myriad of possible realities? Much like Cappy, Uatu the Watcher was born to a life of pure observation, never daring to interfere. However, whereas Cappy confines his 'watching' to the windows of public restrooms, Uatu's foray is the entirety of the Marvel Universe. In this episode, Comic Book Haters Schooly G and DJ Sloofus take a look at Uatu's "What if Captain America Were Alive During the Civil War," with hilarious results. This link is only one possible way of obtaining the episode, but there are limitless alternatives.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Shit-Battle Royale?

The recent introduction of "Duckter Doom" to these pages raises a pertinent question: Who is the worst CBH listener? In an act of sheer brilliancy, renowned CBH host DJ Sloofus has started a poll on that particular topic. Concerned listeners are asked to navigate over to the Comic Book Haters' admitedly-lackluster 'forum' to cast their vote. As of press time, Duckter Doom was leading with 100% of the votes. Let your voice be heard!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Episode XXIV - Love, Be a Hater Tonight

The producers of this podcast offer their sincere apologies in advance. In the grand tradition of 'Free Speech' (created centuries ago, yet co-opted in these United States) we present a program filled with satire, education, fillibustering and general unpleasantries. All who deem it a boon to listen will instantly be regarded by their peers as somewhat of a superior, though the exact reason why will always be beyond their grasp. You, the producers believe, are to be held with an air of esteem, due largely to your ability recognize the great minds of our time, without being preoccupied with the vulgar nature of their vessels. Listen to this, friend of the company, and wonder no more why cruel fate has led us down the same path.

The focus this time is on Dave Sim's Collected Letters, 2004 and Kyle Baker's Nat Turner #2.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Episode XXIII - If Fate Be My Destiny

With so much anger in the world, the Comic Book Haters decide to shed a little love onto the denizens of the internet. Join them as they reminisce about their favorite comic book inspired movies. Schooly G, DJ Sloofus, and perennial sidekicks Cappy and Umbrellaman each take turns espousing the finer points of each selected film. Quite honestly, Cappy did more bitching than espousing, but what else is new? Also in this episode, DJ Sloofus throws Schooly a bone with another 'War-based' comic; this time it's Sgt. Rock's tales of something or other. Check out which flicks were selected by clicking this link.

Keep those 'Listener Submissions' coming to

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Episode XXII - There Will Come Soft Farts

The Comic Book Haters crew gets all academic on your asses, as they debate the mightiest superhero of all time. Also featured in this episode is the second installment of "Cappy's Corner," a forum for all things Cappy. Even more perplexing is our second 'Listener Submission,' this time from the controversial man known as DJ Cool Whip. Keep those submissions coming; simply email them to Audacity is a useful, easy and free tool for creating simple audio files. We promise to run every single one we receive, as long as they're two minutes or less, regardless of content. Catch this special 'Weekend Edition' episode by hopping on over to this link.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Schooly G Posting Creates Controversey

Earlier today, host and co-founder of the popular 'Comic Book Hater' podcast Schooly G found himself victim of what some are referring to as an act of censorship. While replying to a thread on the Comic Geek Speak forum entitled ‘Ask Matt S.,’ Schooly replaced his usual icon with a bastardized form of Matt S.’s own avatar. The original icon depicted Hank Hill (of Fox television’s popular animated program ‘King of the Hill’) with a slightly demonic looking expression, and what has been described as a ‘Santa Hat’ adorning his head. Schooly’s aberration to the original and added a brown image on the lower-left quadrant, placed in the general vicinity of Hill’s mouth.

“It looked kind of like a turd, or maybe a brown penis,” said Schooly’s co-host, DJ Sloofus. “It was pretty crudely drawn, so it was hard to tell exactly what it was. Knowing Schooly as well as I do, I’d be willing to bet that he meant it to be offensive.”

Regardless of intention, the removal caused immediate outrage amongst the internet comic book community. “Schooly has every right to put his own icon up there,” said GrendelFan101, a member of the popular rec.arts.comics newsgroup. “Last time I checked, this was a free country. I guess some parts aren’t as free as the rest.”

Others were not as forgiving. ElricBloodsword, posting on a popular podcasting forum, said “That guy Schooly is an asshole. He was messing with Matt S. before, on the Comic-Book Haters thread. They should have deleted his entire post, not just the icon.”

Within minutes, the moderators of the CGS forum did just that. Schooly G’s post, which referenced virginity, vaginas and other ‘adult’ topics, was removed from the thread entirely. Sloofus, posting shortly thereafter, attempted to apologize on behalf of his partner. “I wanted to set the slate clean, and try to exonerate myself from any ill will. I’m planning a cookout once the spring starts up, and I was going to ask Matt S. to come to it. I hope this doesn’t make things uncomfortable between him and Schooly, because last year the event was ruined when some of my buddies got drunk and started pissing on the neighbor’s lawn. I hope we can get through this one without any major ‘incidents.’”

Upon hearing of his icon’s deletion, Schooly G. returned to the CGS forum to voice his discontent. “i hope my new icon is acceptable to the NAZIS THAT RUN THIS PLACE!,” he said, in an obviously heated post. No ‘emoticons’ (characters used by grade-schoolers to indicate an expression of feeling) were used, implying that Schooly’s comments were meant to be interpreted ‘as-is.’

According to Sloofus, “I know Schooly was feeling pretty hot at the time, but that may have been a little much. I mean, sure, I’d be pissed if they took my icon down too, but I probably would have just let it go.”

Good Carny Folk was unavailable for comment.

Readers of this blog are invited to make up their own minds as to whether or not Schooly’s revised icon could be deemed ‘offensive.’

The Original Schooly's variation

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Episode XXI - The Empire Strikes Crap

It is a dark time for the Comic Book Haters empire. Good Carny Folk remains at large, Warren Ellis has announced a new series, and Cappy is out of his coma. Regardless, there are some brave rebels who are determined to stem the tide against the evil Matt S. and his minions. Led by the brave Schooly G, the forces remain vigilant as DJ Sloofus trains under the Jedi Master, Umbrellaman, at his hidden refuge at Taco Bell.

Many Bothan spies died acquiring this podcast. Don't let their death be in vain.

Also in this episode, the first installment of the long-rumored "Cappy's Corner," as well as our first 'Listener Submission,' this time courtesy of Liam Savage.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Meek Comic Geek-Speak's Freaks Piqued; CBH Seeks Latest Leaks

The Comic Book Haters, never strangers to a controversey, have been 'stirring the pot' without even uttering a single sentence. A recent thread on the Comic Geek Speak podcast's website has caused quite a brouhaha, resulting in some angry words emanating from both sides. The thread was originally started by a listener of both podcasts, but petty differences and elitist attitudes quickly escalated the incident into a near-fatal confrontation. CBH mainstay DJ Sloofus later entered the fray, defending his name against accusations thrown about by emoticon-advocate 'Matt S.'

"I enjoy both podcasts: the CGS guys' and our own," said renowned Comic Book Hater DJ Sloofus. "It was nice of that guy to start the thread, but as usual some dickheads had to go and ruin it," he added. For those unfamiliar with the Comic Geek Speak podcast, it can be described as your typical comic review and interview 'cast, focusing primarily on mainstream and 'ground level' indepenents.

"I like their show, and look forward to each episode," mentioned Sloofus, "but it seems like some of their fans are total dickheads." Schooly G was unavailable for comment at press time.

Interested CBH historians can find the thread by clicking on this link. Please forward any late-breaking information to the Comic Book Haters home offices at

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

The Circle Tightens....

The mysterious stranger known only as "Good Carny Folk" continues to plague the free world. Honest, law abiding citizens of these United States live in a constant state of fear, some unable to leave their homes for fear of their very lives. Not since the dreaded Al-Qaeda attacks have Americans felt so exposed.

Sources close to the Comic Book Haters offices, claiming to have insider information, are suggesting this may be an 'inside job.' Fingers have been pointed, allegations have been made. A list of suspects, a virtual "who's who" of Hater luminaries, stretches across the CBH office walls.

When this is all over, will any of us remain untouched?

Monday, January 02, 2006

Episode XX - A Rotten New Year

Here's to a year of hatred, one spent in dismal quarters with unsavory companions. Get off on the right foot by listening to the latest episode of the Comic Book Haters, in which they dissect one of the most hate-filled comics of our time, Mark Millar's WANTED. Also, tune in for a special '2 Minute Hate' performed by the Umbrellaman. Click here to get the episode, or simply wait for it to come out on DVD.

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